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Schwa Love

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Get the Facts! [Apr. 19th, 2009|02:01 pm]
Schwa Love
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SCENE. A subarban kitchen. Two teenage brothers, BILLY and BOBBY enter the kitchen after a game of soccer outside. BILLY is carrying a soccer ball. BOBBY is opening the fridge door.
BILLY: Man, that was quite a soccer match. I'm so thirsty I could drink a horse!

BOBBY (Reaching into the fridge and grabbing a couple cans of CORN-BASED ETHANOL ENERGY AND VITAMIN TONICS. BOBBY tosses one to BILLY who catches it): Here, have some energy tonic!

BILLY (With a skeptical look on his face): He-e-e-e-y... isn't this made with ethanol? I thought you cared about being healthy enough to play soccer.

BOBBY (Smugly): What are you talking about?

BILLY (Like an annoying know-it-all): Well, you know what they say about corn-based ethanol, right?

BOBBY: No, what?

BILLY (Stammering): Uh. Well. Uh. DURRRRRR! DURRRRRRRRRR! DOIDY DOIDY DURRRRRR!

BOBBY: Relax! It's just corn!

BILLY (Relieved from the stress of attempting to cite a single fact, pops open his can of CORN-BASED ETHANOL ENERGY AND VITAMIN TONIC and takes a swig): Aaahhhh. Not bad!

BOBBY: And I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, big brother!

BILLY: Aw you, get over here you little fart! (BILLY grabs BOBBY and gives him noogies!)
Logo for CORN-BASED ETHANOL ENERGY AND VITAMIN TONIC flashes on the screen, as well as a website. Happy, folksy acoustic guitar plays.
NARRATOR: Before you panic, get the facts! CORN-BASED ETHANOL ENERGY AND VITAMIN TONIC is made with corn.

BILLY (vomiting): OH GOD IT BURNS!
-- Schwa ---
linkReply

Comments:
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: ariadne
2009-04-20 06:18 am (UTC)
*laughs* For serious.
Reminds me of the piece ghedji wrote not long ago, which prompted a snarky letter to the editor from the CRA. Awesomeness, and kudos to you both.

Edited at 2009-04-20 06:18 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: schwa242
2009-04-20 05:45 pm (UTC)
Both links are to ghedji's article.
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[User Picture]From: ariadne
2009-04-26 06:04 am (UTC)
Well shit. And now I'm tired and don't feel like hunting around and it no longer feels topical so never mind anyway k thanks bai. *headdesk*
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[User Picture]From: schwa242
2009-04-26 03:38 pm (UTC)
No worries. At least I got to see his article.
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[User Picture]From: arsonnick
2009-04-22 01:57 pm (UTC)
Last editorial I read in the Collegian had something to do with the Bailout plan, "those morans in Washington" and Michael Vick's rookie salary...just wondered when they decided to employ the bold new strategy of employing good writers and actual thought?
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[User Picture]From: ariadne
2009-04-26 06:07 am (UTC)
And the punchline.....he quit two weeks ago. I'll pass along the kudos though. I know he could use them.
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[User Picture]From: animatus
2009-04-20 06:59 am (UTC)
Corn liquor is the best.
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[User Picture]From: schwa242
2009-04-20 05:48 pm (UTC)
It has a ninety-five percent alcohol content, and that's per volume!
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[User Picture]From: asienieizi
2009-04-21 03:21 am (UTC)

GAH!

MEZ FINALLY SHOT YOU IN THE HEAD!
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